Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I AM VODKA MAN
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
