i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
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Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
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Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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