I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
