The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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