He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
