Betty ford says i'm here all night
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
