wat bout pragnant strippers??
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
