he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
