You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
my nose is crying tears of wow.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
