No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize