you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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