I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
