I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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