Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
