today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
