You're so nebulous sometimes
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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