i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
