Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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