the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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