Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
