I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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