He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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