I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
