I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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