I'm laying in your front yard are you home
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
