i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
