I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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