i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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