My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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