my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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