i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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