i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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