The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
