Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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