I wanna bring you to show and tell
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
