I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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