I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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