Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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