if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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