I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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