She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
