i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
