I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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