We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
