Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
