just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is wine microwaveable?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
