we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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