Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
