haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
