I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
