i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
