Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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