she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
