You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
