If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
