oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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