If that was your dad, he is hot
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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