I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
