You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
