OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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