Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize