I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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