Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
