can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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