WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize