respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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