You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
