No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I will be naked everywhere
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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