I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
