I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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